Monday, July 13, 2009

coffee & church (sleepy monk/starbucks)










this last week was about the search for the perfect cup of coffee… (amongst other vacation-like relaxing goals) to us, Cannon Beach- the sounds, smells, misty air embody the very state of mind that clicks with us. its not about checking weather reports obsessively and feel justly surprised when the sun pokes through for a day, or even wish away or lament the stormy weather… we take it all- fickle, salty weather, or warm misty sunshine…

one of our original go-to coffee places was still open and thriving. same four walls in the same little enclave off the “main drag” (whatever main drag means in such a laid back town as CB). however, this shop now has more accoutrements, multiple locations, tee shirts, and other much needed accessories. to our slight dismay, each visit became more of a disappointment as discussion at the counter was curt and kept to a minimum as we ordered. when I stood to the side waiting for my long-awaited cup, I shuffled to the right, then the left, then plunked in the nearest seat as I was constantly in someone’s hurried way. this had become more of a drive-by coffee shop where people from outside shouted orders into the distressed spouse inside. complaints were made loudly at the pace, taste, and lack of choices. (how many choices does one really need?) never before had I seen this sleepy, art-laden, walk-in shop look so much like a starbucks. baristas and customers alike were quick to be offended more often than joyful, and the coffee itself? well, let’s just say it was comparable to every other coffee stand, house or chain in other towns in other states.

in the midst of our other weekly activities, (services throughout the week, book hunting, beach sitting, etc) we would mutter to each other in a by-the-way kind attitude, that we had to get to the Sleepy Monk coffeehouse- recommended by several friends from in town and out-of-town. we slurped down ho-hum cups of joe while knowing we’d make our pilgrimage to the much sought after coffee eventually. after all, this waiting was only making it more and more coveted and special, right?

so finally, Monday morning, a baby-sitter was procured, the hour carefully observed (not too late for coffee that our appetites would outweigh the mid-morning sip) and we set out on our 20-30min walk up the hill to Sleepy Monk. we spent less time in our beloved galleries, gazing at new artists with a quickened (as opposed to lingering) appreciation, so we could have enough time to soak up the “ness” of this new coffee experience. would we love the music playing lightly through the shop and outside seating? would the owners be so excited about or fervor for the pilgrimage that they would insist the cups were “on the house”? would the top of the coffee have a leaf swirled into it artfully, floating in a white sea of silky foam? would our lives be changed forever? these were all unspoken questions floating between mine and dirk’s brains…

you can imagine the expectant feeling as we approached the lone coffee house right next to the antique shop aptly named “FOUND”. it seemed more than serendipitous. that is until we looked and saw no people flocking around the adirondack chairs outside, windows dark, and no overall swirling of cars in and out with white cups in the cup holders in the consoles… we looked at eachother nervously and then at the building, hardly wanting to see the sign. retail hours: Fri, Sat, Sun, Closed Mon-Thurs. I yanked on the handle just in case it was some misprint. we sunk into the chairs outside and yearned for that cup more than ever now. we had to get back to Reed soon, so we made the trek back down the hill, now deflated that we would not taste the coffee from the beans of Sleepy Monk during this stay, as we were to leave on Wednesday…

the rest of our last days went by, we worshipped, ate wonderful food, and truly enjoyed God’s creation in Cannon Beach. we packed up on Wednesday, and decided to take one last drive down the 101 to a few hikes that we might have to do solo (each) as Reed was quickly asleep in the car before we pulled out of the conference center. before we left the town we tried one more coffee place- Portland Roasting Coffee… not bad- they use whole milk, and were very engaging and pleasant to be around. it wasn’t their fault, the café and eatery was great, but we had set in our hearts to find a pure, focused, coffee-driven house where we would take it all in. instead we enjoyed these almond lattes from Portland Roasting Co. and headed to some hikes and a last Haystack rock viewing. as we drove past Sleepy Monk, I saw a person sitting in the shop and I begged dirk to pull over. “no, they are closed”- he replied in a very compliant, polite manner that meant “we observe what the sign says and don’t go banging on someone’s door to make an exception for us”. I wish I wouldn’t have seen the activity inside, as my hope for Sleepy Monk was quickly rekindled. as we parked to walk to the beach, we walked by the store.

“smells like burnt toast” dirk said… mmmm, I knew that smell, it was not burnt toast, but roasting beans. I saw the window open at SM and ran to it… I could feel dirk’s hesitation, but I pleaded “I just want to look at the roasting beans”… so like seagulls flock to beachgoers food, I stooped outside the window and could see the brilliant copper
machine turning the beans with a wonderful whirring sound. we leaned in and looked and pointed- just then a smiley man came to the window and asked (with a slight Irish accent) if he could help us. I knew he wasn’t passive aggressively shooing us away, but truly wanted to know if he could help. I announced that we knew he was closed, but just had to look inside… before I knew it, all of our failed Sleepy Monk endeavors came flying out of my mouth, not for sympathy from him, but for joy of how much we had sought out this rare bean. after a few kind words, exchanged names, found out we had common friends, he said he would let us buy beans. I was thrilled. he had to tend to the beans, but we’d be back after a brisk walk to Haystack Rock. I was pre-coffee jittery thinking about what it would be like to open our own coffee shop serving SM coffee… the art, the ministry, the people, the coffee! the last few moments on the beach were perfect- mist blowing sideways, sometimes cutting at your face, sometimes breezing around you, blowing the dry sand across the length of the beach, waves crashing. intense, salty, misty, all that I know this place to be a majority of the time. I love the non-mediocrity of it all- if you want pleasant, then go to California or Hawaii. here you can feel the winds change, the sea blow, and the stars almost fall on you at night. it is participatory in being.

we marched back up to the coffee house, about to receive the best ending to our CB getaway. he came to the door, unlocked it, and welcomed us like it was his home. (which I am sure it is just as much home for him as his house is) we stood looking in awe at the humble, yet magnificent haven. the coffee, fair trade and organic was placed in jars with wonderful names like Bogsman Brew, Monastery Blend, Fiddlers Fusion and Gaelic Grounds. the exposed beams holding up the place was reminiscent of some beautiful chapels I have been in. he asked more about us and offered us a large cupful of Monastery Blend. we gripped our paper cups as if they held gold, and drank deeply, washing off the bit of salt water that the beach had left on our lips. it was all too much for us as we enjoyed Victor’s company (that is his name- read their story
here)
sank into the pew-like booths and became caught up in the smells of fresh brewed coffee, beans in the back roasting, and the rustic wood of the room. he entered into conversation easily as if he had no other business or preoccupation to tend to, as if he was waiting for us. selfish as we were, we wish that we could have had it all to ourselves, just like it was. this was better than coming during normal business hours! however, the floodgates had opened, and similar connoisseurs had driven by and seen people inside. hands cupped on the glass and hopeful looks that looked all too familiar grasped the door handle as Victor graciously opened the doors and register to person after person- knowing that the success and growth of an establishment lies not in policy and business hours, but the relationships and connections made over a single (and grateful for us patrons!) transaction. he would disappear to the back every so often to stir the beans, or whatever bean function was needed at that point in the process, and we “guests” would look at each other knowing we were blessed to slip in and be treated as guests and not intruders. before our purchase, Victor offered to make a pot of one of the blends we were considering. my answer hung and then both dirk and I realized we should not take advantage of this man’s good graces. “no, thank you.” I said through gritted, smiled teeth. I could have stayed there all day, drinking the best black coffee, sitting on the pews and taking it all in with a state of reverence and awe.

as we drove away that day, I couldn’t help but make the (loose) connection between the function of church and the coffee shop. as a place to go and find what you are seeking, not as an afterthought in the day’s daily tasks, as many do, but to go and find pure, true and honest worship. to find a place where the efficiency and growth have not choked out the true reason for being. where a building, a pastor, a people, are there to welcome one another- not out of vain obligation to receive a paycheck, but to sit and be as if there was nothing else left for us to do in life but fellowship and worship. not a place where you feel as if you are a burden, but a place where you are “offered a second pot of coffee” just because. a place of earthy wood beams, creativity and no doubt in your mind of why this place exists. you get the feeling that if you took the coffee out of the coffee shops, some could still inch by. they would nickel and dime their way to stay open with tee shirts, pastries, paninis and mints. in the same way, I feel sadly that churches could “stay open” with programs, events and traditions without really ever noticing the main ingredient missing. like a coffee roaster without coffee, I don’t ever want to be a person or a church without Jesus.


Thursday, December 18, 2008

Songs that make me go mmhmm



Here's what I'm listening to in the last of '08 (not necessarily borne in 'o' eight)

1. Gobbledigook by Sigur Rós

this song makes me start tapping my brush and dance circles around my easel. best not to look at me when
listen to this song....

2. Waters of March by Holly Cole

it sounds so dramatic and final as seemingly insignificant things are examined and compared to life's
existence. the jazzy buttery voice melts and warms my cold hands.

3. Skinny Love by Bon Iver

NPR rated this song as their fav. Bon song, but I could go so many ways with my choice Bon I songs. First of all, I love the name of his band- Bon Iver a play on words of 'bon hiver' in french means good winter.
how true the title for my life right now. "ghostly and ethereal," "radiating otherworldly beauty" was how
this song was described in the rating... accurately so.

4. She Moves in Her Own Way by the Kooks

makes me want to kick my heels up and dance uninhibitedly (great word) ala Elaine Benes... "oh oh, she moves in her own way/oh oh..."

5. Silver Lining & Blacklight (tie) by Rilo Kiley

Jenny Lewis always finds her way in my iPod- whether masked with the watson twins, cloaked in another band name- Rilo Kiley or on her own ticket. also love her collaboration with M.Ward. you can't get any
better than the sassy line in silver lining- "hooray, hooray, i'm your silver lining/ hooray, hooray/ but now i'm gold... the sarcasm of the hooray seeps through. i love how the grass was ticking

6. Pumpkin Seeds by Devendra Banhart

I have wanted to like him for a long time, but none of his songs captured me like this one. the nostalgic-in-retrospect thoughts that ramble in between guitar riffs make me stop and think and ultimately agree that "there's a lot of love, but not the kind i need" I think that is true for most of us.

7. The Garden You Planted by Sea Wolf

i think i have a thing for the mumbled acoustic-y salty sea type lyrics... it sounds like he is singing this song across the pacific to the Atlantic (how does that work exactly? i don't know) and missing her. i can picture
the sweet peas and mums growing and dying in the garden. even the winter frost covers them, but they remain. he misses her. i love my garden even now in this winter snow.

8. Jenny by Tunng

this makes me think of an old record player playing some thoughtful indie music- not being forcefully indie for the sake of it, but a pure lostness of thought. maybe it's very close to Sea Wolf for me. maybe i like
introspective. i also like the added sound effects- tinkling and cassette recorded speech... another close call was "Wind Up Bird" by Tunng... again, they add interesting interlays of talking and clicking and tic-ing... the
beat is fun too. some of the best collage paintings i have seen remind me of this song

9. Only Love Remains by JJ Heller

struck by one of the first Christian bands that is organically true to the creative talent of orchestrating music from the words to the collaboration. she is simple in truth, but thoughtful and radiating convicting as her
words echo my own prayers

10. Ain't No Reason by Brett Dennen

his unique voice is so easily identifiable and lyrics seem to echo his desire to comment on the world around him. "love will come set me free" is the reverberating phrase as he laments the emptiness of mainstream consuming capitalism "working your fingers bear to the bone/
breaking your back make you sell your soul/politicians lie and i am not fooled/ you don't need no reason or a three piece to argue the truth.." he has it a bit wrong as he ends with saying "there ain't no reason we live this way/ it's how its gonna be/ its how its gonna stay" i have a different
perspective- a bit less dooming. still the song is good


11. a new duo that I really like, but won’t force a favorite song because I haven’t found it yet is: Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan… his smoky voice melding with her pastille sweet falsetto singing gives you a wonderfully complete piece of art for your ears to feast upon. Listen to (Do you wanna) Come Walk With Me for an example of this.

Monday, December 1, 2008

If you hate the taste of wine, why do you drink it till you're blind

I am thinking of the Tom Petty song where the line goes: "the waiting is the hardest part.." This always seems to creem up in my head as very true in so many situations. Now as I sit and wait for some sort of response, whether good or bad, for one of my recent submissions to a gallery, the songs rings true. However, (I begin now to start to have a debate with myself inside my head) the waiting really is NOT the hardest part. In fact, I think if it meant not being rejected, sometimes I might rather not know. While this is not always my wish in life, closing doors can, in their cliche'-like: when-a-door-closes-another-one-opens sort of way be good, and needed.

Now in this fragile winter twig like way, any bird that sits on me too hard, i might fracture and give it all up. Not really, but the drama is inspiring to me. (How can my own self-invented drama inspire me? I need help)

Some Bright Eyes food for thought on this winter-y December first Monday:


Thursday, November 6, 2008

How do I spend my time..



Last night at home group, we were studying on the Sermon on the Mount and we spoke about the commitment that we make when we decide to follow Jesus Christ. When we realize that this life is not about me and I am dependent not upon myself, this world, or various accoutrements. My husband asked what it means, no really, what does it mean? What changes? Your appearance? Maybe. Your speech? Hopefully. What about the way I spend my time?

When I thought about how I used to spend my time- in what directed me- vaulted me from activity to event to excursion. What drove me? Passions, wants, lusts, ambitions… All of these sound stereotypical as emotions and desires that sound like they should be anesthetized or suppressed. However, on a given day, that is what pushes me to make a pumpkin spice latte or listen to the music I crave at that moment. Not all passions, ambitions and desires are bad. How then, does that change the way I move about my day?

In a book that I am currently reading to grow my son into a mature and whole, loving person, I find that I learn more about myself and my sinfulness than his. The following excerpts struck me: “God created us to exist in a constant state of desire and appetite.” There is tension in this continuous struggle of what I want versus what is the best for me and those around me. And in my example here, what God wants for me in my life. How do my desires and appetites line up with who I am to be and who He is shaping me to be?


In one of my favorite books, Franny & Zooey by J.D. Salinger, Zooey tries to attain spiritual purification by obsessively reiterating the "Jesus prayer" as an antidote to the perceived superficiality and corruptness of life. She painfully tries to "pray without ceasing" and endures so much stress and pressure at such an insurmountable task (some may think not) that she suffers a breakdown. I worry that the same false forced spirituality could be applied in how we weigh and gauge our daily to-dos and wants. Could you become obsessive in evaluating righteous and desires that you become a religious zealot? You might look kind of silly if you took it to an extreme; at the grocery store you pick up a box of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies… “Ok, Lord, is this what you want me to desire at this moment or am I acting out of my own selfish motives?” I think this could easily veer too far on the side of Gnosticism, wherein one “puts to death” the physical aspect and denies the body’s very human urges. Some Gnostic monks would be so heretical as to deny themselves of food, water and the necessary items of human survival.

So then, what drives my day? I believe that we are free agents that have the option to choose whether we eat, drink, or surf the web at 1am. I also believe that we have precious time on this earth as our life. So we should ultimately choose well.


All mankind are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.
The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever.

Isaiah 40:6

Another excerpt from the same book I quoted before, called, To Train Up A Child by Michael & Debi Pearl, they make this point about raising a child: “His growing humanity will give way to a desire to build, to know, to be appreciated, to be recognized, to succeed, to be a lover, and to survive in a secure state of being”.

This is not too far off from what any of us want on a given day or a given man’s life.

To be known, appreciated, loved and to succeed…God created these wants and desires and they are good in the nature that God himself fufills them. I know that the Lord is not a detached watchmaker who has left us to our own devices to unravel what he intended to be beautiful. There is still beauty, justice, passion, growth, renewal and goodness as we draw closer to Him. Then and only then can we truly know that our intentions and inclinations will be close to the heart of God. As we abide in Christ and submit to the Holy Spirit, He is able to work in and through us as He desires to do so within us all.


Each of us inevitable,
Each of us limitless-each of us with his or her
right upon the earth,
Each of us allow’d the eternal purports of the earth,
Each of us here as divinely as any is here.

-Salut au Monde, Walt Whitman

Monday, August 18, 2008

you seem like a soilder who's lost his composure
you're wounded and play a
waiting game
in no man's land no one's to blame

Gomez's lyrics in "See the World" hits hard as I sit here reflecting on some recent news... wondering where/what God has for our family at the moment. often times we feel as if we are constantly outsiders- juxtaposed between two beliefs, two movements, unable to be pigeonholed into one catergorical stereotype. this does not prevent those on the fringe of our world at attempting to push us into the box that they believe we belong in. one couple, when trying typecast us into the role or character(s) we portray in their screenplay, decided we were...urban. you know, citydwellers who have their noses high in the air or stuck in ikea catalogs (I, am not too sure, myself what urban really ensues) Yes, my husband and I in our country cottage overlooking the sea on a hill, a good hour away from any whole foods or metropolitan market are decidely urbanites. to many in our congregation we stand out as... they haven't quite found the word to sum us up yet, but it varies from granola hippie to independent fundamentalists (we used to associate with a church that is dispensational, so that makes us uptight legalists).

this no man's land is truly a tough place to be- not feeling likeminded with really that many. recently labeled too liberal and- well, wordly, I finally want to throw my hands up and wave a white flag. in high school, I wore a diamond stud in my nose as a way to show my childhood friends and teachers that I was NOT the goody-goody they supposed me to be. I sooo fooled them. now, I am not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes and set myself apart to shatter someone's expectations of me. i just wish that there could be a little understanding in some hearts. humans are complex and more than republican, democrat, green, hick, urban, whitetrash, conservative, liberal, etc...

Jesus blew people's expectations constantly, even today, many who follow him (or not) have a hard time agreeing on why follow him in the first place. as i am in no way comparing myself to the Saviour of humanity, but instead taking comfort that i should be allright not being "gotten." as the Pharisees were confused that this Jesus of Nazareth was King of Kings? how can anything, let alone anyone good come from there? surely he must be _____(insert stereotypical list above as pertaining to that day and age)

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

-Galatians 1:10

Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to slip into a version of myself more easily explained, and just ascribe to that typecast as society defines it. Let me see my script... "ahem.." (clears her throat readying herself for the lines to be read) "Yes, me, Ashley, the (glances at her role to be played today) treehugger environmentalist... I believe that we should reduce greenhouse gases dramatically and save our rivers and streams above all else. we need to buy local and mind the place that we buy our goods from and..." (Nevermind the fact that I now believe this, regardless of the fact that yes, I am a Christian) This could be fun, maybe a bit exausting and schizophrenic, but nonetheless a real goat-getter. Maybe tomorrow I will play the part of a loony legalist.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Acts of worship in Bainbridge

we happened upon a quick day trip out to one of my favorite islands.

there was coffee. art was found in a scavenger hunt manner. we walked. drove the backroads. dreamt of living next to the apple tree and cafe.


here are some of my driving pictures among others










































































div>

Sunday, June 15, 2008

This Day

my card missed the mail in time for June 14th & 15th

sorry
dad.
i sat here today thinking of yet another Father's
Day that has come around without your presence
i thought of a collective amount of memories, teachings and nostalgia about my childhood
memories and thoughts, i am sure that i have
filled past hallmark cards to the brim with

reference to your dedication to our
joy and love for
life:
lessons on the
tetherball
pole,
basketball hoop, bicycle and fishing
pole

even
domestic
wisdom on how to whip a stitch
to fix a button, cook a mean
roast and tend
to the beans in the
garden

for the first
year around
of
having a child of my own, i am holding those
close and begging to not replace them just yet with memories of my own. i am not ready to grow up completely yet and turn all of those experiences into new one's. forgive me for being childish, maybe i never grew up, maybe you were (are) too
good of a dad- enabling me in my fear to relinquish the innocence of growing up with you cheering me on.

riding in the cab of
the
Ford, sticky seats in
the summer with Chissy Hynde
or "Stay(just a
little bit longer)" playing
while dusting sawdust off of your RC
cola.

hunting at the
cabin with snow filled
boots

helping me rescue the baby
starlings who took up
residence in the
shop

crying at
my solo
performances

camping at baker
lake- even when it rained

above it all, you have shown me
more
than life skills and how to tie a
knot-you have unspokenly taught me about family, redemption and what it means to be alive.
we have had our differences and now move past them and
thank you for the person you've helped me become.




i love you more than you know

here's "the" song:







Thank you for all the tea parties with Stump & I.
Love Smasherelli~

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

How does your garden grow?




Almost exactly a month since my garden has been in, I have been able to reap some of the benefits. The herbs are thriving (especially the lemon balm and chamomile) and beans are growing high! We ate the onions and radishes in the salad last night. I was pleased that the radishes were peppery but not bitter hot. Must be due to the small size. Can't wait for my tomatoes and carrots to start showing!





























(left to right) spearmint, peppermint, spanish lavender, nasturtium & radishes


I hope to utilize my herbs for oils, lotions and seasonings for gifts later on. Trying to find a good resource to find out how to "infuse" the oils and teas with the herbs. It will definitely be a trial and error sort of thing when I blend different herbs and find out some don't match too well. A few combinations I know will work:
  • lavender+mint
  • rosemary+mint
  • chamomile+lavender
  • mint+basil

I still have sage, lemon balm and oregano to add to the arrangement... please let me know if you have any reccomendations, requests, or thoughts.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Southern Dinner (sort of)


I love to cook, so in deciding what to make for guests (Jamie, Kim and their beautiful 2 daughters) I waffled ten times... Oooh, what about waffles with a creme aglaise sauce??? No. Stick with the menu, Ashley.


Hawaiian Spareribs and Country Style Pork Ribs with Maple Glaze Sauce

Asparagus Potato Salad

Grilled Corn Salad with Pesto Dressing

Homemade Sweet White Bread (rising on the stove right now)

Chocolate Caramel Cream Pie


I have to go make the Pate Sucree(fancy word for the crust- who knew!) right now... Wish me luck. I have only 2 & 1/2 hours left!


Hope my pie looks like the picture above when it's done. Here's the recipe if you want it.

Shout out

This awesome new blog just popped up on the blogosphere. (what the blog?) (honest to blog.)

This guy is intuitive, thoughtful, smart, encouraging and all around cool. Thought you might like to read one of his first blogs.

That's my plug.

Go to Watching the Grass.